WWJD— I know what you’re thinking, What would Jill do? I ask myself that a lot. If I wasn’t doing what I am doing now, what would I be doing? This always turns into, why the fuck am I not doing that?
I used to live this carefree life where making decisions was less important than having options. Or as Aziz puts it, FOMO. In hindsight, I’m happy with my short stint of indecisiveness and accept that I had to learn the hard way. The value of making decisions or not making one is hard to swallow NOW knowing that these were things I always knew and just didn’t want to accept. I regret it so much that I no longer move forward without a plan. This one decision made such an impact on me that it changed my entire decision-making process. Why? Because making decisions means you’re in control and your decisions are always dependent on something. The lack of action affects your relationships, and eventually infects you. You drown in “I don’t knows” and “I don’t care” and can’t distinguish the difference between being laid back or adventurous.
I need to know now that there’s light at the end of the tunnel or that I am working towards something. I champion myself on the process and models. OMG the difference models, processes, and follow-up does. I chose one path of least resistance and went to school to “find myself.” Don’t get me wrong, having the opportunity to explore taught me a lot about myself from the different people I met but I always knew I didn’t need school to teach myself about well, myself. Community is great, and that’s one thing I got to walk away with. But above all, I wish I convinced myself a lot earlier that you don’t need credentials or certifications to be an expert. Nobody is born an expert and experience is what you need. Your potential is completely up to you and it’s your responsibility to find it within yourself.
One of my best friends told me and continues to remind me that greatness was always in my bones, it was flowing through my blood. I always thought so, but never knew how to communicate it. I struggle every day trying to drown in my own greatness, or purpose. If it wasn’t for someone else believing in me, I don’t know if I could say I would have accomplished what I have so far, especially knowing there is so much more to conquer.
I lived with people who didn’t make good decisions that I lived vicariously through. I was influenced and hey, sometimes under the influence. (I accept the margin for human error). I started letting other people drive which turned into me seeing the world and people differently. I had my heart broken, I nearly failed a semester (again, trying to find myself), and all I really have to show for it is a pile of things I wish I did when I was in college, when risk was totally acceptable.
- I wish I took advantage of the writing center
- I wish I read, MORE
- I wish I listened to my gut and studied English Lit
Basically, I wish I finished what I started. It’s always good to look at how far you’ve come and for myself, I found a bunch of clubs, I’ve traveled here and there, I survived 21 hour credit semesters, I worked full-time, and managed to snowboard A LOT without a job or any money. If we are talking present times, I moved to a city where people not only work harder but are smarter than I think I ever will be. I work at a place where ideas aren’t allowed anywhere outside of my head. The best part of this journey is that I don’t have things holding me down now, just other people’s perceptions of me.