You break my heart. I have a lot of questions, but I wont ask any of them because I know better than to expect a response. I think I’ve gone too far on this path of dissipation to turn back now. I can’t be sure because I haven’t really made an honest attempt to turn things around, but that’s how it feels. The things that I’d have to give up are already a part of me. They give me a reason to live. All the things that I used to value I’ve pushed aside for this new set of values. I’ve seen so many things, had so many crazy experiences, and read so much since I left. It has changed me completely. My personality may remain, but the thoughts and beliefs behind that have been swapped out. I know a lot more about life now. And, probably no one will believe this, I’m way more intelligent than I ever was. More miserable too. The lifestyle I’ve chosen is vapid. The thrills are temporary and cheap. But I have no idea where true happiness lies, or if it’s possible for me. I want to rewind and go home. reset. I’m not sure I can handle it though.