I was never the type of person who was afraid of love. I’m young so I WAS in love with the thought of love or maybe even “being in love.” I am the type of person who believes everything is worth a try. Carpe Diem. Seize the day. I just cannot let an opportunity pass me by.
Relationships are a great learning experience. Shit, they are THE learning experience–Relationships are the exact definition of adaptation. I’ve been tested numerous times. Whether I succeed or fail, I realize that I am human and the biggest lesson I learned recently is that sometimes other people don’t realize that. Being human comes with lots of imperfections that leads to making bad or even HORRIBLE “out of character” decisions. The reason they are so bad is because I set a standard for myself that made them appear to be horrible. Decisions are life changing, especially when you cross enemy lines. We are all victims to this “game” and vicious cycle we call “life.” When I say vicious, that is not understatement. With that being said, love is THE SCARIEST thing in the world a person can become involved with. I NEVER understood the power of love until I was on the other end of it. I wasn’t the one that was hurt, and I realize now that I have the power to hurt someone as much as I can love them.
I would be lying if I said love is not worth the heartache and the drama, and in some cases I am learning now that it is not. I thought someone breaking your heart was the worse thing a person can endure. I also used to say “things can be worse.” and when I did, they got worse. Yeah, so much for being optimistic.
Hurting someone IS the worst of the worse. I only say that because I have been heartbroken. The difference is that I can control how much I wanted to hate that other person for breaking my heart. and right now, living knowing that I messed up or or even effected someone else’s life as much as I have is scaring me more than anything and I don’t know if I can live with myself that much longer to have it happen again.