I used to think I lacked creativity. I used to think I had writer’s block. I used to think a lot of things. Reason being, I’m irresponsible. I’m indecisive. I’m lazy. I’m a girl. I’m in my twenties. <—I just caught myself. I said ‘reason ‘ being when I just listed a bunch of EXCUSES. I’m learning everything about myself and I love it as much as I hate to admit it.
I’m glad if I’m committed to anything, that I’m 100% committed to myself and my life. I’m definitely not saying I’m ‘finding’ myself either because I think a lot of people are on a ‘search’ for something they will never find. (Hate to break it to ya’.) To be honest, I never really began the search to “find” myself and I’m glad I didn’t because it’s the biggest waste of time and the worse thing we can do to ourselves. I learned that when I was 19 (young), single (heartbroken) , and in Japan (out of my comfort zone.) I valued and still do value that “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
I still think I don’t appreciate Art the way I’m supposed to, but I’m learning. I’m growing. Putting my ideas on paper and making them concrete is getting more and more difficult because of the increase of technology. My point is that even if I’m growing and everything else is moving at a different rate, I’m still me. and THAT is what makes me the happiest. I’m glad I know what I DON’T like rather than what I do like. Because my friends are all on another train that makes me think they need more time to discover who they can be outside of their group of friends. I’m glad my list of things I dislike or hate is pages longer than my list of things I actually like. This just means I’ve tried more things rather than ‘playing it safe’. and I’m glad I tried. Trying will always count more with me and that’s where I’m at right now. I’m trying, everything.
To everyone that continues to tell me I don’t give myself enough credit or that I’m more responsible than I claim to be: Thank you, I appreciate it. Because in your twenties, you’re also awkward. You don’t know how to accept a compliment because the rest of society tells you you’re doing everything else wrong. Being right or even close to it, is always a different change in pace. Saving a couple bucks in the bank, eating right, reading, a lot of writing, and most importantly prayer, has got me to where I am now.