Silence never brought me much optimism. I can tolerate it, and most times I enjoy it. Silence offers me the clarity I need to focus my thoughts; but my thoughts rarely offer an optimistic view of life. Despite my natural tendency for pessimism, I still find comfort in silence. At night, when I close my eyes and can only hear the steady breathing of my sleeping roommates, I feel at ease. The problems and annoyances of life don’t rise in times of silence. The arguments, confrontations, gossip, and haste all cease to exist. They are eliminated when I throw the blanket over my head each night.
This time is different. Still no optimism, but the feeling is not the same. The comfort and feeling of ease have been erased. Your silence is torture. My blanket no longer promises comfort and safety, and I’m left with nowhere to go. I’m not sure which is better, the quandaries of the outside world or the agony of your silence. I have to look forward now. Your silence provided me with the answer I have been waiting so impatiently for. It’s not the one that my heart had been longing for, but it is an answer, after all. You’ve given me everything I asked for, and more than I deserve.
The future is more uncertain than ever. You will bear the fruits of your decision, whether they be fresh and bursting with life or hopelessly spoiled. I can’t say for sure, but your strength and perseverance will surely serve you well. I will continue the endless search for a suitable replacement of my missing piece; however, I’m skeptical that even many centurys’ advancement in science and technology will give rise to an adequate composite. The artificial joys of life should suffice to slow the crumbling of my weakening body for at least the next couple years. Sex, drugs, money. The usual thrills. Not so different than the average man making his way through life. I’ll cover my eyes and stumble around with the ignorance of a man blind since birth, forgetting that there is more to life than the four cardinal vices. A meaningful life is not a requirement for living, only a precursor to happiness and contentment. I can deal with that. This is optimism, isn’t it?