This weekend gave me time to reflect on my college career. It started with a party on the exact same street, only a couple houses down, literally footsteps away from my sophomore year. The year that changed my outlook on life, the year of, osomoto. Friday night as I walked down the street I couldn’t help but remember earlier years and I had to step back and let things sink in.
Taking a couple steps forward, here I am, days away from completing my senior year. The future is nothing like I envisioned. In all honesty, the best of me should of seen where this was all headed. Every morning I woke up thinking how bad I already wished my day was over. The terrible walks into my science classes dreading lectures, and three hour labs. Sometimes, even WEEKEND LABS. Seeing the same people was already bad enough I then had to go somewhere with a better scenery and perhaps surround myself with more pleasant things only to complete all the online assignments and group work my professors assigned me outside of class time on top of studying for the tests they strategically planned to have in the same week. I really don’t know why I didn’t see any of this as a sure sign of “HEY I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.”
But my young mind kept thinking, “Oh work is not comparable to school.” Well…DUH, it’s not. But what I’m studying now should be useful with what I do want to do with the rest of my life. Unfortunately for myself, it’s not. My mom has always dreamed of such a bright future for myself and I’m not one to let her down. But I really don’t think I’m cut out to be a nurse or a doctor. As much as I THOUGHT I enjoyed Biology, Anatomy, and Physics I can’t see myself following through with it. Getting A’s in those classes made me realize how much of my life I’ll never get back. She’ll always remind me of how fortunate I am and how I should never waste my “talent” but I think my transcripts tell me something else. Looking over my transcripts, I wanted to cry. Because the classes I did enjoy were the ones I stopped taking. They made college interesting and kept me going. Instead of crying, I created a solution for the problem I dug myself deep into. I only had two more semesters, merely one more year of double majoring and getting the one thing I want, A degree in English. Why am I rushing to have nothing to do? Graduation seems so unnecessary, at least I think it is.